J MARTIN’S BLOG

November 26, 2008

the purpose of my existence …

Filed under: Thoughts — J Martin @ 10:19 pm

ok … this is kinda deep and spiritual …

but im always wondering what is the real purpose of my existence in this world …

is it just because of the nature filling whatever is void? is there any importance of my existence? was i made to deliver a purpose? if so, then what is my purpose?

i was born and later i will die, i know … and in the meantime im gonna live and do whatever things as other human do … but afterall, what is the point?

from nowhere to nowhere … from a non-exist to exist then back to non-exist … what’s the point there?

complicated things …

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am i old or still young?

Filed under: Miscellaneous, Thoughts — J Martin @ 9:44 pm

watching my friends and colleagues – they are about the same age with me, some of them are younger – starting their own families made me feeling old sometimes …

im a bit curious, what made them start at this ‘young’ age? is it because of their lifestyle and culture? im not even ready to think about commitment ….

for some people it is good to start family at young age … some think otherwise … i won’t debate about it … it’s a personal preference and else ..

up now im still feeling young …

random …

Filed under: Miscellaneous, Thoughts — J Martin @ 8:57 pm

my head a bit dizzy … thoughts and thoughts coming out and flowing like a river …

probably my mind a bit cloudy too … cannot think clearly on one thing …

imperfection – maybe i am wrong, maybe im right i don’t know … there’s no boundaries, there’s no exact answer, no affirmation …

i wish i could think like anyone else … i wish i could set my mind ‘straight’ and not be clouded by emotions and other factors … but maybe they have their own problems too, maybe their minds are more cloudy than mine … if so, then with who am i gonna compare?

individuals are unique on their own way … and i am too unique on my own way … human beings are full of uniqueness; varied in every aspect …

am i crazy?

i guess im still sane … only maybe i hv more thoughts and awareness than ever … awareness of my existence, the aim of my life and my surrounding … i feel so trapped and limited by my own body, i hv so much things to do but only to realise not much of it i can ever make …. why? because of human limits; physically and emotionally limited …

i must be crazy …

no …

then?

i don’t know …

September 9, 2008

Friendship – a touch & go

Filed under: Miscellaneous, Opinion, Thoughts — J Martin @ 12:07 am

It’s a pure gold to have a good friendship which lasts forever. Your best friends eventually will fade away, leaving you all alone gasping for air. Then you’ll go on carrying your lives by making new friendships with new people who have just come into your life. Precisely a touch-and-go system.

Friends come and go … you just need to adjust your life everytime they come and go. You could be hurt, or suffocated by thin air left by their abrupt end in your life. On a bright side, you could be beaming to joy on their departure …

Then you might think it’s useless making new best friends. Because eventually they will go as they come into your life. 

If you don’t value your friendships, perhaps you won’t feel anything at all. You won’t feel the emptiness of having them permanently absent from your life. 

If you value them, you might be at loss. You’ll weep (guys most probably won’t shed tears) over their departure, and you’ll miss them terribly. And you’ll keep going in your efforts to maintain contact with them. But then question arise, will they (your best friends) feel the same way with you? It’s a big loss if they don’t reciprocate your valued friendship. At the end, you’ll be left alone with big cavity on your heart. Or a big wound … which surely will take a long time to recover.

Problems with guys … some guys will tend to believe (mistake) that your efforts to reconcile as a sign of your ‘affection’ to them. In other words, they will think you’re a homo while you aren’t (if you’re a guy too). With that, at the end of the day, you’ll hurt even more. Not a good ending for a good intention. 

Perhaps it’s better to just follow the stream. If your friends are unable to ‘see’ you clearly, then probably it’s safer to just let the nature takes control. Be aware that not everyone in your list of best friends think the same way towards you. They might consider you as just the other regular guy who really is a nobody and has no significance in their life.

Lesson to be learned – don’t expect too much from your best friends. Acknowledge them as you acknowledge the touch & go system because it’s how life goes on …

July 11, 2008

Snippets and thoughts from Tun Dr. Mahathir Mohamad

Filed under: Miscellaneous, Politics, Thoughts — J Martin @ 12:03 pm

Actually I’ve been visiting and reading his blog since long time ago (almost the time when he first created the blog) but I felt it just unnecessary to tell people about it. People are smart today, they don’t need to be told something about little things coz they will eventually find it …

I think it’s good to read his blog coz there are a lot of thoughts regarding the current issues in Malaysia … (well, that’s if you are interested to know the development of Malaysian politics and news on his eyes) … 

I am not a fanatic of anyone (especially political figures) in Malaysia but I think it’s interesting to know how their brain work … 

March 21, 2008

Religion: Good or bad

Filed under: Thoughts — J Martin @ 12:26 am

I used to think that religion brings peace to the people … But now I can’t think that way anymore …

Look at what happened around us … Religion made people scattered. Religion made families hate each other. Religion made people hate each other. And worse, religion made people kill each other …

Do we need another religion to come?

March 12, 2008

The real roots

Filed under: Kadazan Dusun, Thoughts — J Martin @ 11:43 pm

Tanak Dusun ka nga amu ih ma koilo do mimboros Dusun.
Tanak Dusun ka nga amu ih ma karati Dusun.
Tanak Dusun ka nga mibooros ih ma Malayu.
Tanak Dusun ka nga mimboros ih ma Nonggiris.
Osonong da do koilo ngai mimboros Dusun, Nonggiris, Malayu om suai ngai …

Nokuro gia molohing tokou tu amu minongubas dati mimboros Dusun di laid?
Nokuro gia molohing tokou tu minongubas dati Malayu kampung di laid?
Nokuro gia tu binarasan yati do ‘Saya saput kau!’ di laid?

These are just few words to show how much our own identity eroded by assimilating others identities. Why in the beginning our mothers and fathers talked to us in ‘alien’ language as if we are not part of the original community?

I think they assumed that by speaking other language to their kids, they helped modernize their kids.

I remember in the past (still now) almost all parents in the neighborhood talked ‘Malayu‘ to their kids. Good if they teach proper Malay, but it’s always campur-campur, mix Dusun with Malay and in the end, almost nobody talking correctly/properly … It’s more obvious to newer generations … I am lucky because my parents didn’t talk Malayu to me at all … My not-so-little-anymore brother now talking in Malayu because my parents used to speak Malayu with him in the past … But sometimes I hear him trying to talk Dusun to his fellow Dusun-based friends …

It’s not that knowing other-than mother-tongue language is bad, it’s just better if we don’t lost our own identity because it’s not good if someone pointed us as aliens among our very own community …

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