January 29, 2009

mild seven

Filed under: Miscellaneous — J Martin @ 10:40 pm

im not really a smoker but that sticks are mine.

yes. really. mine.

were actually.

now im clean.


poor hungry kitty

Filed under: Miscellaneous — J Martin @ 10:33 pm

begging for food. at my door.

australian open 2009

Filed under: Sport — J Martin @ 7:00 pm

glad my favourites are in final …

go federer!

go serena!

err …

Filed under: Miscellaneous — J Martin @ 2:26 pm

is this saying that i should change my life?

how am i gonna change my life?

what’s about my birth date

Filed under: Miscellaneous — J Martin @ 1:57 pm

getting better or getting worse?

Filed under: Miscellaneous — J Martin @ 1:35 am

i don’t know.

parts of me are getting better. but other parts of me are getting worse. i know. i don’t need to prove or tell it to anyone. i just know it myself.

i don’t know what will happen to me eventually …


Filed under: Miscellaneous — J Martin @ 12:55 am

tried to suit myself. tried to comfort myself with various songs.

but i still feel empty. maybe a bit lonely too, but it isn’t that bad. sometimes i find being alone quite comforting. and relaxing. but not always.

something is missing. something i haven’t found yet. something i want so bad. something i longed for.

i still don’t know what im looking for.

January 27, 2009

it’s soooooooo boring!!!!

Filed under: Miscellaneous — J Martin @ 10:45 pm

and lonely too …

here i am … sitting here, alone. i don’t know what else to do.

this morning i woke up quite early. but i continued to sleep coz i hv nothing else to do. finally rose up at nearly noon.

it felt so fucked up today, the loneliness really got me.

i did few things to cheer myself up. watched movies. took long bath. surfed internet. none of them really changed my mood actually. im still so fucked up until now …

damn …

little excitement

Filed under: Miscellaneous — J Martin @ 12:42 am

a friend invited me to have dinner at somewhere not far.

well, it’s not bad. at least i have something less boring.

i planned to pay for him, but he paid for me instead. right …

i then told him i will treat him later day.

yes i will.

January 26, 2009

soap opera …

Filed under: Miscellaneous — J Martin @ 3:07 am

… life isn’t.

i wish i could live like those in soap opera, minus the sad part of course.

half of me still live in fantasy. another half live in reality. both sides try to counter each other. i end up in mess many times.

i still don’t know what to do with myself.

morning dew

Filed under: Miscellaneous — J Martin @ 2:07 am


Filed under: Miscellaneous — J Martin @ 1:28 am

everybody’s gone for holiday. for a week.

so here i am. all alone. living in this place. doing nothing but sitting in front of my computer, surfing internet, watching videos and movies. chatting. reading news. whatever i could find on the internet. and network. and also sleeping. eating. sport? no. my partner’s long gone.

so today i treated myself a bucket of fried chicken (kfc). nine pieces of spicy fried chicken. with cheesy wedges. and a bottle of carbonated drink. coleslaw and mashed potatoes. of course i didn’t manage to eat them all all at once. kept the rest in a air-tight container, given free by kfc.

while i was at the town today (for kfc, purposedly), i overheard someone ‘he looks like the one from estranged‘ while pointing at me. of course i didn’t bother to stop coz i know i will appear stupid if i do that.

i checked my weight at a mall. the same weighing machine i’ve been using since long time ago. and to my delight, im 2 kgs lighter than last month. yeah it felt good.

tomorrow gonna be the same i guess. but hopefully there will be something exciting tomorrow, otherwise im gonna be dead of boringness.

January 25, 2009

life to death

Filed under: Miscellaneous — J Martin @ 1:15 am

for as long as i could remember, i’ve been thinking of death so many times. committing suicide. ending my own life.

i remember the first time. i was a little kid at that time. i was sitting alone, crying. thinking nobody would care about me. i thought that if i die, it would be better for everyone.

well, i was wrong. my family loves me.

but it didn’t stop me from thinking about it again. there were few incidents afterwards. which i rather not talk about. it gave me cuts. deep cuts. it left me scars, which many times have bleed again. for whatever reason.

i think i have a lot of scars. physical and mental. emotional for exact. maybe that’s the reason why i always think about it everytime im down.

im not scared. i know eventually everyone will die. including me.

who knows when the time is up …


Filed under: Miscellaneous — J Martin @ 1:02 am

ok, this is my first time posting such picture. no other intention. it’s just beautiful.

christina aguilera morphed into maryln monroe. or the other way around. almost perfect.

source: on that pic itself.


Filed under: Miscellaneous — J Martin @ 12:57 am

long distracted. months. and still going …

hmmm …

discover yourself …

Filed under: Miscellaneous — J Martin @ 12:24 am

like i never know myself.

i don’t know. little change. little things which make me wonder. not really a surprise actually. it’s just that im changing back to old me. which is not good, perhaps.

so much i need to know about myself. hmmm … silly, it’s my body but it’s like im a stranger to myself.

maybe there’s something wrong about my head.

sigh …

January 24, 2009

journey to nowhere

Filed under: Miscellaneous — J Martin @ 3:01 am

i like this title. it kinda represents my life somehow …

frankly im stil in dark about my future. i don’t know where to go, i don’t know what to expect.

yes i do have some plans. but mere plans to get even with my friends and colleagues. not truly what i really really want in my life.

i honestly think i have no option.

i don’t know.

maybe i should live like anyone else.

back to old time

Filed under: Miscellaneous — J Martin @ 2:55 am

it’s kind of sad.

part of my life’s gone. it took away half of my happiness. now im back to ugly self. sad. boring. lonely. isolated. deserted.

luckily i found a way to get over it.

but im still dreaming. dreaming something nice to cover the sad side.

gone going – black eyed peas (current addiction)

Filed under: Lyrics, Song — J Martin @ 2:50 am

Johnny wanna be a big star
Get on stage and play the guitar
Make a little money, buy a fancy car
A big old house and a alligator
Just to match with them alligator shoes
He’s a rich man so he’s no longer singing the blues
He’s singing songs about material things
And platinum rings and watches that go bling
But, diamonds don’t blink in the dark
He a star now, but he ain’t singing it from the heart
Sooner or later it’s just gonna fall apart
Coz his fans can’t relate to his new found art
He ain’t doing what he did from the start
And that’s puttin’ in some feeling and thought
He decided to live his life shallow
Cash in his love for material.
And it’s gone…

Gone going, gone
Everything gone give a damn
Gone be the birds when they don’t want to sing
“Gone people” up awkward with their things gone.

You see yourself in the mirror and you
Feel safe coz it looks familiar
But you’re afraid to open up your soul coz you
Don’t really know, don’t really know who is
The person that’s deep within
Coz you’re content with just being the name brand band
And ya fail to see that its trivial,
insignificant, you addicted to material

I’ve seen your kind before
You the type that thinks souls is sold in a store
Packaged up with incense sticks
With them vegetarian melts
To you, that’s righteous
You’re fiction like books
You need to go out to life and look
Coz what happens when they take your material
and you already sold your soul?
And it’s…


You say that time is money and money is time
So you got your mind on your money and your money on your mind
But what about… that crime that you did to get paid
And what about… that bit, “You can’t take it to your grave”
And what about those shoes you’ll wear today
They’ll do no good on the bridges you burnt along the way

All that money that you got gonna be gone
That gear that you rock gonna be gone
The house up on the hill gonna be gone
The gold and purse on your grill gonna be gone
The ice on your wrist gonna be gone
That nice little Miss gonna be gone
That whip that you roll gonna be gone
And what’s worst is your soul already gone
Coz it’s…


gong xi fa chai

Filed under: Miscellaneous — J Martin @ 2:49 am

yeah …

gong xi fa chai for everyone chinese …

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