September 28, 2008

it’s been a while …

Filed under: Miscellaneous — J Martin @ 10:28 pm

yeah … 

a lot of things happened but i couldn’t care more to write it all in here … i was little busy with some docs and stuffs and also game … well, i haven’t quit tennis … i played it 5 times a week … actually i wished to play more like 7 days per week but it’s not possible because my friends were all grumpy and less energetic as i am … except one guy …

credit and thanks to my new buddy because he was willing to endure the ‘torture’ of being my ‘punchbag’ in tennis … i guess he enjoyed tennis too as i do …

today i got call from someone-really-important who asked about my doings and plans for future and possibilities of me working under him in near future … well, frankly i don’t really make plan for my future, i mean for long term plans … well, i do have some plans but they aren’t that really specific … actually i am still unsure about my potential so i guess i need time to ask myself what i really wanted to do in my life …

i did some mistakes in the past … i did some bad choices which now got me here … this is not what i really wanted in my life, but i know life must go on, so i guess i just need to go on with what i have now …

i know i still can change … but i guess i am a bit too old to start again … so, why do i need to stop and rewind or perhaps play another new life? it’s not that my life now is bad … not to be sound boastful but i think there’s a lot people out there will envy me if i tell them what i have now …. but the truth is, i don’t really live my life the fullest because this is not something i really wanted to do in my life … i don’t really enjoy it … it felt more like a boring routine than a pathway to heaven ….

sometimes i thought that it’s not me who shaped my life … yes probably half of it is true, but it’s me who made the ultimate decision. i could say no to something i feel not right for me, i could retaliate and be a bad guy … but i guess i was too soft and too naive in the past … i was bent over and over by people who want me to be like this and that … just like a ball, being kicked and rolled over and over from side to side by different players …

so guess what? i guess it’s time for me to rule my own world … i am not a kid anymore …


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