J MARTIN’S BLOG

September 30, 2008

they want us to die

Filed under: Miscellaneous — J Martin @ 1:20 pm

it’s holiday and all the cafeterias are closed – for a full week …

the other guys are lucky they got transport to go outside to eat …

we’re unlucky we got nothing but taxi to transport us to go eat … but we cannot afford taxi everyday. our next choice is to sit inside and hibernate and try not to use a lot energy …

now the staple food are instant noodles, canned foods, biscuits, fruits and other junkies …

i have once quitted instant noodles because it’s not healthy … but now i have no other choice but depend on it to live …

i don’t know for how long we gonna survive …

this is the life they want us to have …

down and disconnected …

Filed under: Miscellaneous — J Martin @ 8:45 am

we got strings in our life … we got ties, we got connections … new and old … a lot …

our life isn’t a constant entity …

we make new strings, we cut some old strings … 

we’ll feel lost if we have to cut it … we’ll feel sad if we have to sever it …

but life must go on …

ups and downs

Filed under: Miscellaneous — J Martin @ 12:46 am

yesterday i felt elated, today i felt okay, now i feel down …

i wish i have no emotion … i wish to do anything without feeling the effect of aftermath, especially those negative feeling …

sometimes i felt like it’s really a burden playing with emotion. emotion could energize u, emotion could make u willing to do anything, or could make u want to commit suicide. an expert said (i remember this from a book) – u created these emotions … the emotions are made from within u … u can actually change ur state of mind by feeling whatever u wanted to feel ….

u can choose to feel happy, u can choose to feel sad … everything is really up to u …

the by-product of our thinking (subconscious) mind is emotion … so to create positive emotions (happy etc), u need to change your perception (subconscious mind) …

but it’s really hard to master our mind … a lot practises and practises are necessary to produce a constant and satisfying result … 

i still have a lot to learn …

September 29, 2008

i have more charm and charisma than the average person …

Filed under: Miscellaneous — J Martin @ 10:32 pm

really?

?????

what else do i need to say?

i joked but it may be true …

Filed under: Miscellaneous — J Martin @ 12:39 am

i let a baton passed today … well, i passed it as a joke but im not sure whether ‘not me’ will believe it or treat it as a joke, because it actually sounds a bit scandalous … 

now i think it might end up as a big stab on my back later on … 

September 28, 2008

about caps and those grammar …

Filed under: Miscellaneous — J Martin @ 11:12 pm

my english sucks … i admit it …

so far i posted almost 99% entries with good caps but annoyingly put grammar since i made this blog.

i guess i need to stop it because it made me appear as if i am a stupid guy who have nothing but damages on his head … and a who, who tried so hard to use ‘correct’ english but at the end of it had  succesfully made a fool out of himself … 

well, fcuk it! …

i couldn’t care more …

it’s been a while …

Filed under: Miscellaneous — J Martin @ 10:28 pm

yeah … 

a lot of things happened but i couldn’t care more to write it all in here … i was little busy with some docs and stuffs and also game … well, i haven’t quit tennis … i played it 5 times a week … actually i wished to play more like 7 days per week but it’s not possible because my friends were all grumpy and less energetic as i am … except one guy …

credit and thanks to my new buddy because he was willing to endure the ‘torture’ of being my ‘punchbag’ in tennis … i guess he enjoyed tennis too as i do …

today i got call from someone-really-important who asked about my doings and plans for future and possibilities of me working under him in near future … well, frankly i don’t really make plan for my future, i mean for long term plans … well, i do have some plans but they aren’t that really specific … actually i am still unsure about my potential so i guess i need time to ask myself what i really wanted to do in my life …

i did some mistakes in the past … i did some bad choices which now got me here … this is not what i really wanted in my life, but i know life must go on, so i guess i just need to go on with what i have now …

i know i still can change … but i guess i am a bit too old to start again … so, why do i need to stop and rewind or perhaps play another new life? it’s not that my life now is bad … not to be sound boastful but i think there’s a lot people out there will envy me if i tell them what i have now …. but the truth is, i don’t really live my life the fullest because this is not something i really wanted to do in my life … i don’t really enjoy it … it felt more like a boring routine than a pathway to heaven ….

sometimes i thought that it’s not me who shaped my life … yes probably half of it is true, but it’s me who made the ultimate decision. i could say no to something i feel not right for me, i could retaliate and be a bad guy … but i guess i was too soft and too naive in the past … i was bent over and over by people who want me to be like this and that … just like a ball, being kicked and rolled over and over from side to side by different players …

so guess what? i guess it’s time for me to rule my own world … i am not a kid anymore …

September 19, 2008

A little tired and sleepy …

Filed under: Daily Life — J Martin @ 10:16 pm

Today’s story …

7.30 AM – Woke up, took shower and stuffs …

8.10 AM – Went to office … 

8.45 AM – Bfast …

9.30 AM – Wrote something … and did some correction on my thesis … 

10.30 AM – Met a friend … who asked me to help him (discuss) with his lab report …

12.30 PM – Lunch time …

1.30 PM – …… free time …

2.20 PM – Met a transfer student from Kenya. He was sooo talkative, and friendly … we talked a lot … (It’s him who talked a lot actually … ) …

3.00 PM – End of our conversation …

3.30 PM – Went to a seminar – seminar about ‘Apex Uni’ … well …

5.00 PM – The seminar was quite boring, so my friends and I ‘escaped’ before it ended …

5.37 PM – Went back to the hostel …

6.00 PM – Tennis …

7.15 PM – End of tennis game … our plan to play ping pong wasn’t materialized because there’s no empty tennis table we can use … all occupied … 😦

7.30 PM – Went back to the hostel ..

7.45 PM – Cafeteria … dinner … 

8.15 PM – Rest …

9.30 PM – Shower …

10.30 PM – Posting a blog … 

11.00 PM – Ongoing now …

September 16, 2008

Promises are meant to be broken …

Filed under: Friends, Miscellaneous — J Martin @ 8:39 pm

One of the things I hate the most is when someone made a promise to me and never fulfilled it.

Empty promises ….

There’s someone I knew seems to have the tendency to make empty promises. I considered him as a friend, yet I don’t understand why he should make these promises and not fulfilling it. It’s annoying, wasting my time for waiting and hoping for something that won’t happen. He got me many times, and it already started to wear me out.

I used to never cared about it before because he’s a friend, but his ‘persistence’ of making empty promises made me realise that it’s not worthy to put so much hope on his promises. 

He’s still my friend, and he will always be … regardless of this small issue.

Lessons:

  1. Never say ‘I will … ‘ or ‘I’m sure … ‘ when you’re not sure about it.
  2. Never say something when you don’t really mean it.
  3. Never make a promise if you cannot keep it up.

Bi-No Zambai Seasoned Seaweed

Filed under: Food — J Martin @ 12:02 am

Until next post.

Actually I just wanted to show the picture but there’s a little problem here so maybe I’ll upload it next time.

Happy Birthday Malaysia !!!

Filed under: Events, History, Holiday, Miscellaneous — J Martin @ 12:00 am

It’s 16th September.

Malaysia was born on 16th September … not 31th August. The 31th August is merely the independence day of Malaya Federation … NOT Malaysia. Malaysia as a unified state did not exist until 1963 …

People should get the fact right …

September 15, 2008

I texted him today …

Filed under: Miscellaneous — J Martin @ 11:48 pm

… about his debt.

Luckily he responded. He told me he didn’t forget about it. He said he merely doesn’t have the money to pay me back. He’s still jobless … 

Umm … nevermind then.

September 14, 2008

I’m taken for granted …

Filed under: Miscellaneous — J Martin @ 10:01 pm

Ok … it hurts.

But I won’t let myself down into deep depression. I need to straighten up myself. It’s partially my fault because I allowed them to use me as their doormat. Enough is enough, I need to get up and stand tall. Let them see how worthy I am. Let them see who got the power.

I guess next time I need to be careful on choosing new friends. Not everyone of them can be trusted. They can stab me at the back while I am serving them. I have experienced it before. It really hurt but luckily I managed to live on my own and carry on. 

Now it’s showtime …

I want to axe someone …

Filed under: Miscellaneous — J Martin @ 7:40 pm

I used to have this friend. He’s younger than me. From another state. A new convert. Well … I have many times helped him. Little things and big things. Like money problem. He had many times begged me to lend him money. He owes me quite a lot. More than a hundred ringgit. Remained unpaid until today. And until today he’s nowhere to be found. I have tried to call him at many times but he never picked up any of it.

I am not a rich kid. Every cents worth a lot to me. But I am not that selfish. I have had many times spent a lot money for my good friends. And I never asked them to pay me back. For the things I gave them for free … and on my own will …

But sometimes when they ask for it unduly, I will expect them to pay back. Most of my friends understand it. And they will pay me back in time. Yes some of them tend to pay late. But actually I don’t really care, as long as I get my money back. And as long as they value my trust. 

But this fella seems to totally forgets about it. Never heard anything from him since the last time we met. 

This fella and I share quite a lot friends. Mutual friends. I haven’t told my other friends about my problem with this fella. I don’t want to smear this fella beforehand.  

But I guess I need to wait until my patience worn out. Till then, I’ll do whatever necessary to get my money backk …

I am literally a fish …

Filed under: Miscellaneous — J Martin @ 2:16 pm

…. as they said so.

I share birth day with Johnny Cash. This I am a bit proud of. Because he’s famous. Obviously I am not. Many said that people born on the same day share something about their characteristics. Like mutual understandings, or behaviour. And tend to incline to the same object. The inner sides … something deep inside. 

I don’t craze about horoscope. But sometimes I read it, just a matter of curiousity. Sometimes I am quite surprised with what I read, because most of the time it feels as if I am reading about myself. I am not saying that whatever written about horoscope is true, but I think most of it are quite accurate. In my case, especially. I admit it … I can say it’s true about 70% out of me.

I found a site about my horoscope. Well … it’s a sad thing I won’t be able to be a superstar. But at least I am able to mingle so well with people. And able to fluence everyone around me. It’s more than enough already. I still have way to climb up to the top … being respected and well known by many …

So … behold everyone. Here I come to influence you. 😛 …

September 13, 2008

Totally exhausted

Filed under: Daily Life, Sport — J Martin @ 10:08 pm

We took extra time playing tennis today. The weather was good. Hot even. Clear blue sky with only few thin coulds. And scorching afternoon sun.

At the end of our tennis session, I was totally exhausted. Totally flatted … Almost unable to walk back to the hostel ….

Buddy asked me to have dinner with him and his friend (who joined us later) right after the game. Initially I was hesitant because I usually don’t take meal right after a game. I was still tired. Still sweating all over … and besides, I was not really thinking about dinner (although I was totally exhausted). But I joined them anyway. Buddy then called his other friends to join us. And sure enough, they all came to join us. All foreigners, all strangers to me. I’m the only one local bred (buddy is a foreigner too). I stayed on and acted cool. 

I reluctantly bought a plate of food. A small scoop of rice, some vegs and a thin fillet of I-don’t-know-what-kind-of fish. And three glasses of drinks. Yes three big glasses of drinks. Two apple juice, and one kiwi juice. I drank all within a minute. I was thirsty. Really thirsty. I was totally dried out by the scorching afternoon sun. 

I thought I was hungry, but I wasn’t. I thought I can eat the whole plate of food, but I was wrong. I was even unable to chow the first bite. I totally wasted it. The first bite almost made me throw up. I then put it aside. Untouched. I know I shouldn’t waste it. But what to do? I asked my friend to take it, but he said he was already full. I thought of bringing it back to my room. But at the end, I left it. Just like that … such a big waste I know …

We did talked. Quite a lot. Using Engrish. English fused with rich Asian dialects. Different slangs. One of Thailand slang. Another of Vietnam. Another of Sri Lanka. And another of I-don’t-know-what-else. My English isn’t good either. But I thought mine is quite good from the rest (sans grammar). 

We then parted after dinner.

…. 

What did I get? …  just a little proud of myself of being able to mingle so well with them. 

September 12, 2008

I want to run away …

Filed under: Miscellaneous — J Martin @ 1:02 am

… from this misery.

It hurts a lot. And gives me unbearable headache. Face it or run away. Fake it or deal with it. Forget it or get ready for a long battle. Say it or keep it secret inside. Hate it or love it. It got me into deep trouble … it exhausts me … costs me a lot … saps my energy a lot. 

Enough … I am down for days already.

But will it go away? Or will I ever get myself over it?

Only time can tell …

September 11, 2008

Lesson of the day

Filed under: Lessons — J Martin @ 11:25 pm

 … think positive, act positive, keep moving forward and don’t let emotions take control of your mind.

Yeah … I am learning. Experiences give me lessons. Mistakes are mistakes. But it’s a good thing though coz mistakes in the past could be used to strengthen up the shield for incoming attack, unwanted seduction, and other difficulties. 

Seduction … umm … nice word.

September 10, 2008

I am closing my shoutbox

Filed under: Miscellaneous — J Martin @ 11:42 pm

The reason is obvious.

My shoutbox is full of craps. 

Enough said …

When hate and love collide

Filed under: Miscellaneous — J Martin @ 11:26 pm

Umm … 

Not really about love and hate. But it equates to feeling two opposite emotions at the same time.

Or maybe it’s more like a dilemma … difficult to choose between two hard options.

Can’t get away but have to choose either one to live. To die is not an option.

What to do?

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