new year 2009

few minutes to go before new year 2009!

i don’t know what to wish …

probably i’ll cut my hair short tomorrow. i’ve been keeping long hair since months ago (almost a year perhaps, or more). i couldn’t remember the last time i went to the salon. always got bad haircut, that’s why i seldom cut my hair.

um … im gonna wish the unwishable. i know it’s so not right, but im really hoping it would be a dream come true. nothing wrong with wishes …

still in bad mood …

hopefully tomorrow there will be shine …

reclusive

i’ve changed the blog title, logo and author’s name.

i even removed the links to my friends’ blogs.

without digging into my old posts, nobody can tell who’s exactly the author of this blog.

by doing so i feel free to write just about anything – personal stuffs, crazy stuffs etc without having to worry about embarrassment and so on.

only few people have the privilege of knowing who’s the real author of this blog.

im so glad …

fool

up and down today.

up in the morning, down in the evening.

old scars came back to life.

silly …

closer

this is not expected but i think im getting closer to something. correction – that something is getting closer to me. well, im not complaining but it’s somewhat bad for me. not that much, only a little.

crazy again

yeah im probably crazier than ever. i am wishing something to happen though im quite sure it won’t happen. it’s a crazy wish, though i know i will like it if it’s really happening.

some people may not like it. but who cares?

milo + coffeemate

milo (malt chocolate drink), ‘mated’ with coffemate …

never done, never drink and never thought of this before. a buddy suggested me to make this combination of ‘ingredient’ to make drink. skip coffee he told me. yeah i don’t drink coffee actually.

i made a quite concentrated drink (three large scoop of milo, combined with two large scoop of coffeemate in a regular sized mug).

it’s good. and i like it. firstly because it’s not overly sweet. well, i expected it anyway because i didn’t put any sugar or sweetened concentrated milk into it. i guess the milo itself is sweet enough.

secondly i can make it concentrated as i like without making it extremely sweet. im not really a fan of sweet stuffs.

hopefully this drink won’t make me fat.

2009 … im ready …

merely a change of number. nothing more, nothing less. but people are celebrating the significance of that change. i have no plan to celebrate whatsoever.

i got wishes too, but i don’t think i will change that much. although there might be some phases im gonna get through but but i don’t think there will be any big change. im almost reach the steady state of life where everything will be stagnant (i think so) … well at least physically.

maybe i’ll just follow my instinct.

what am i doing?

i don’t know what exact words to use. got something here. like a clash between dream and reality. it feels so real, yet i couldn’t really touch it. maybe im dreaming, but i know im wide awake.

im stuck. it’s a complicated thing. couldn’t describe it in words. indescribable.

i know it sometimes made me happy. sometimes it made me hurt like hell too.

feel like im standing on a balance. push me to the left, i will fell on the left. push me to the right, i will fell on the right. hanging there … don’t know until when im gonna be like this. i fall few times, but some magic put me back on my feet.

maybe im still dreaming …

untitled

like a room which has two open doors. front and back doors. ready for walk in, but also ready for walk out.

still in doubt of something although it seems alright. something has been keeping it in place, luckily. well, maybe the charm and something else have put it back to what it used to be.

there’s desire to walk away. there’s desire to leave everything behind. but perhaps some words prevented it from happening. a confession of something …

this shouldn’t be happening. this is just wrong. but it just feels alright …

things shouldn’t be complicated. but human is a complicated being.

human can change, will change and have changed.

am i doing the right thing?

seem like things are back to normal. back to what it used to be. although there are some doubts but i guess everything will be okay, for now.

sometimes i think that it’s useless for me to spend a lot of time thinking about this thing. because at the end i got nothing. and i spent a lot money too.

today i did it again. im not regretting, but i feel that i shouldn’t be doing this next time. otherwise everything will go bad again and im gonna loose at the end …

that new ceiling fan …

somebody has fixed our ceiling fan today.

so long before somebody came and fixed it.

now i can sleep peacefully coz the screeching sound from the old fan has gone.

oohh yeahhh …

but wait … there’s still another sound … my room mate’s snore ..

sighh …

caught again?

on my way to court this afternoon i met two guards. they were checking on students and vehicles passing by. i couldn’t take another routh coz there’s only one way to the court. i have no other option but to pass them. turning back isn’t an option because i don’t want to skip tennis just because of this ‘little’ matter.

i have expected that the guards will summon me. or at least give me some words or warning regarding my long hair.

to my surprise they didn’t stop me at all. one of the guards even smiled at me. and i smiled back at him. then i went pass.

what a relief …

leniency

Z: i forgot to say thank you for the (fill in the blank) you gave me (fill in the blank)…

no reply …

Z: do you want to (fill in the blank) with me (fill in the blank)?
X: thanks for the (fill in the blank). of course i want to (fill in the blank).

later …
X: do you want to (fill in the blank) now?
Z: yup. im on (fill in the blank).
X: alright. i’ll (fill in the blank) now.

deleted scene …

edited script for a stupid movie …

yesterday …

A: do you still want to be my (fill in the blank)?? i want to (fill in the blank) but i don’t have (fill in the blank). i didn’t expect our (fill in the blank) will end up like this.

…..

today:

B (without feeling guilty): i didn’t say anything but you already made (fill in the blank) so i don’t know what else to say. anyway sorry for yesterday, i just didn’t realise your (fill in the blank). i put my (fill in the blank) in my bag.
A: you are my (fill in the blank). i don’t want to loose (fill in the blank) like you. i bought (fill in the blank) for you. do u want it?
B: it’s up to u …
A: it’s now belong to you. so, do u want it?
B: it’s not yet belong to me. it’s really up to you whether you want to give it to me or to someone else. i have no problem whatsoever.
A: i want to give it to you. alright, i’ll call you when im there.

deleted scene ….

it’s 4-1, dude …

and i won …

today there’s 3 counts … and i won all of them …

im quite happy, yet sad a bit.

i know im drifting away and im not making any effort to get back. but i don’t care.

im gonna see what’ll happen tomorrow.

im caught, finally …

on my way back to hostel just now, a guard on his bike noticed me in the dark …

our conversation (not in english obviously) …

that guard: hey you … are you a student here?
me: yes …
that guard: which year? … (he assumed me as an undergraduate)
me: postgraduate ..
that guard: (silent for a while, then he spoke) … your hair is too long …
me: umm … (i smiled at him)

and then i just walked away like nothing ever happened … the guard didn’t bother to speak any further.

nobody ever mentioned anything about my hair previously … i’ve met with so many guards before during the days and nobody ever mention about my hair. just now it was in the dark (midnight) yet that particular guard noticed it and mentioned it (for the first time) …

……….. im wondering ….

im almost there …

gotta finish writing soon. i hope. then i’ll be graduated. can’t wait …

yeah im almost there …

it should be this week or next week …

but let’s see …

night visitor again … superstition?

the same butterfly. i know it because it has the same colour, shape and size.

this time however it didn’t circled the room as it did last night. it just flew around the ceiling corner clumsily as if it’s going to die. then it rested on the wall. my room mate did notice it this time. he stared at it for a couple of minutes then went towards it to watch closely … i bet he’s fascinated by it as well.

today i didn’t get any visitor. nobody died too.

so i guess the superstition about flying butterfly at night is not true.

todger talk (18sx) …

… in other words, penis talk.

i like this blog. the contents are kinda dirrty but not overly sexual. the tag is “todger talk – sex, relationship and a good laugh without the bullshit, bravado and misinformation”. nice blog indeed …

i wish i have that writing skill to spice up my blog and to entice readers to my blog.

unique lighter …

bought from genting. kinda love it because it is unique and looks classy …