compliment or what?

location – at a bank … teller machine … i was trying to withdraw money … another foreign friend of mine was at the other teller, trying to withdraw money too … 

me: hi … 

foreign friend: hi too …

me: long time no see …

foreign friend: yeah it’s been a while …

me: wassup now?

foreign friend: um … im kinda busy nowadays … got a lot works to do …

me: i c … so far so good?

foreign friend: i guess so …

……

…. a few seconds later, the machine went OFFLINE …

……

me: damn! … this machine went offline already …

foreign friend: (still trying and waiting at the other machine) …. really?

me: yeah …

foreign friend: (the other machine went offline too) … ugh … here too …

someone else nearby: ugh … these machines always problematic … such bad system …

me: (talking to my foreign friend) … i guess we need to use the other machine (there’s a teller machine outside, different bank though) …

foreign friend: yeah …

…….

…… we both went outside …

……

foreign friend: okay, you first …

me: thanks …

foreign friend: no prob … (smiling) …

me: (after a while) … ugh this machine’s kinda hard to use … i can’t see the words on this screen …

foreign friend: it’s always like that …

me: … (gruntling) …

foreign friend: can i ask something?

me: yeah sure …

foreign friend: um … are u from english-school before?

me: nope …

foreign friend: government school?

me: yep … why u ask?

foreign friend: im just asking … (smiling) …

me: um … (smiled back) …

…..

….. after a while …

…..

me: im finished already .. now’s your turn …

foreign friend: thanks … (proceed to the teller) …

…..

….. after a few minutes …

…..

me: i saw u just now coming in and out from the shop … (the shop’s nearby)

foreign friend: yeah i was … i forgot about money … didn’t hv enough money to buy anything …

me: i see …

……

…… we walked together to a cafeteria nearby … there were two other foreign friends there …

….. 

me: so i’ll see u later …

foreign friend: yeah … see u too …

me: bye …

foreign friend: bye …

friends are not so forever ….

last night i made some calls … i was kinda bored and a bit desperate to talk to someone … it’s been a while i haven’t had any good conversation …

here’s some of the transcripts (translated to english), with some add-ups:

me: hello, hi there … 

friend #1: yup, wassup?

me: are u busy?

friend #1: kinda, im driving now … im on my way to **** …

me: oh … nvrmind then … talk to u later …

friend #1: okay … 

……………

……………

me: hi there … 

friend #2: yup … 

me: um … well, err … actually i just want to talk … are u free?

friend #2: uh … im driving now … im on my way back to home … but i guess i can talk … 

me: oh … nvrmind, i will talk to u later …

friend #2: it’s ok … wassup?

me: nothing actually … i just wanted to talk … it’s been a while we didn’t talk …

friend #2: sorry about last time, i was kinda busy to reply your smses … and i don’t hv credits …

me: nvrmind …

friend #2: um … so how are u now?

me: im fine … how abt you? 

friend #2: im fine too … um … i just reached home …

me: u drive kinda fast …

friend #2: well, my home’s not that really far …

me: so okay … um … i guess i’ll call u back later … got something to do …

friend #2: alright … take ur time … maybe i’ll take rest for a while …

me: alright … 

………..

………..

me: hello, hi there …

friend #3: yup … wassup? (sleepy) …

me: are u sleeping already?

friend #3: yeah … im not really feeling good …

me: im sorry to disturb …

friend #3: it’s ok … wassup?

me: im kinda bored … i just wanted to talk … (rambling about something)

friend #3: are u okay?

me: yeah im okay … 

friend #3: really?

me: um … maybe im kinda crazy … (sigh) … 

friend #3: (laughing) … …. … 

………..

……

…

..

unfinished transcript …

lunch today …

masak lemak pucuk paku (vegetable fern cooked in coconut milk?) and ikan cencaru (torpedo scad?) stuffed with i-don’t-know-what-kind-of spices and chillies … typical malay kampung dishes …

upcoming events …

1. daily tennis … no question abt that … but the weather is unpredictable nowadays …
2. genting trip …
3. someone’s gonna be away for a month … sigh …
4. i don’t know …
5. still don’t know …
6. and etc …

too much?

this is my 72nd post of the month …

my previous record of total posts in a month was 71 (March 2008) …

i guess i have more free time now … and maybe lots of idea too …

sigh …

lunch today …

winged beans with anchovies and meats in black pepper sauce …

dreams vs reality …

looks like im still dreaming, a lot …

maybe i was too optimistic … optimism beyond reality … but there’s a saying, nothing is impossible if you believe – means if you believe something will come your way, it will come to your way …

is there anything i cannot do?

dried beancurd sticks …

… with jicama and cellophane noodles … bought from cafeteria nearby … too bad it was a loaded with too much salt …

sunrise …

early morning … view on my way to office … tranquil morning …

fav shot …

so close but yet so far …

it’s mysterious …

sometimes it felt like it’s mine yet sometimes it feel strange as if i never know it …

back and forth, i don’t know what to expect …

is there something holding up? is there some kind of barriers which keep the distance?

i am still confused …

i know i am running out of time …

lost something

the weather today is as good as yesterday’s …

played tennis again … it’s everyday now, twice during weekdays – early morning and afternoon …

but i guess i need to slow down a bit this week onward … im kinda guilty of something …

i’ve been sluggish on my works … more play, less work … actually there’s one reason why i don’t really hv the courage to finish my works as soon as possible – i kinda hate to leave this place because i feel bonded already …

well, life here isn’t really heavenly either … but i kinda feel something gonna loose if i leave too soon …

and especially now i made a lot friends, it’s kinda hard to leave them …

if i leave now, i will leave almost half of my whole life and start anew – i’ve been leading an active lifestyle, playing tennis everyday with friends and friends (all are my friends) …

it’s difficult to leave behind so many things especially when you’re bonded to it … or when you got something special of them … material things perhaps are easy to leave but human beings are kinda hard and painful to let go …

i got best friends here …

my previous best friends were all gone (not dead, thankfully) … they were all gone with their lives and families and jobs and their etc …

if only we can have permanent lives where we don’t hv to change or let go of something precious, it’ll be more happier …

i think i need to settle down at somewhere … im not young anymore, so perhaps it’s a good idea to lay down a plan about future now …

open house …

a friend’s open house …

went there with some female friends … yes female friends … nothing extraordinary, no?

i ate a lot, got so many food served … and it was really fun … laughed a lot too … everyone got good sense of humour indeed …

i would be better back on diet tomorrow …

extreme tennis …

today we decided to play tennis although the court is underwater …

yeah it felt good having some crazyheads as i am … we love tennis so much, we can play on any surface – be it dry or wet …

yesterday it was slippery, i almost slip during the play …

i know it’s a bit dangerous playing there while the court isn’t dry coz it’s hazardous (safety) but i don’t care … it’s been almost a week i didn’t exercise and im kinda desperate …

higher expense to live …

the oil price is down but the food price is still damn high!

went down just now to buy food for lunch … a small scoup of steamed rice, fried fish and veg and iced lime drink cost me about RM4.30 … damn pricey! …

it would only cost around RM3 few months ago …

yeah i know at somewhere else the food price is higher … but this is just damn unreasonable … so much hike, yet nothing increase about allowance …

the numbers are getting bigger and bigger but we’re getting poorer by day …

vote for obama!!

???

escapade …

not sex escapade of course … but given the chance, i might think twice … haha ..

i think im okay … but something inside me isn’t used to the word ‘okay’ yet … i don’t know what went wrong, but it felt like im still in the dark about some parts of my body …

i guess there’s some hidden wars inside me … psychology wars maybe … out of control … and im letting it unleashing itself … im letting it on coz i don’t want another headache … let nature take control of itself …

today is friday … and it’s been a full week i didn’t do anything about my work … 

i feel good though … i feel more relaxed, calm and settled …

next monday will be a holiday … happy deepavali to those celebrating …

back to diet …

im feeling better …

been two days i skipped dinner … and i feel good about it. i feel lighter and healthier …

hv to fight the side effect of vitamin c i take everyday … many told me that vitamin c could boost appetite … and yes i was kinda baggy few days ago … fuller everyday coz i eat a lot, thrice everyday …

few days ago it really hard for me to skip any meal, especially dinner … first attempt failed; i tried to eat something other than rice and those oily stuffs but at the end i gave up and went down to cafeteria to hv late dinner …

need a lot practise to get back to old diet it now seems ..

there’s something about it …

seen glows today although it didn’t last long …

it’s already enough to convince me something, perhaps vivid dreams?

but of course it’s only my theory, nothing more …

is this something im looking for?

gosh it felt so good …

but probably im just being delusional …

lighten up …

i felt better today … got chance to play sport, finally … the weather improved …

i played badminton and tennis for one hour respectively … 

and for both games i officially use my new rackets … 

i think im quite good in badminton … but still need to learn a lot obviously …

my new tennis racket felt heavier though … i was unable to serve hard as i used to do with my old 2nd racket … it’s a bit hard to swing too … but on a bright side, my hit-backs improved a lot … less out-shot, more accurate and precise …

perhaps i’ll do better in time with the new rackets, especially tennis racket … need a lot practise …

questions …

my friends now feel weird about me ..

they seem curious and wanted to know why i go to office very early in the morning and go back to hostel not long after that …

well … actually i found it quite refreshing to wake up very early in the morning and start the day earlier than anyone else … 

someone asked me why i go to office early only to go back shortly after that … the reason is that i will feel energized whenever i go to office in early morning … so, it’s like im taking the spirit from the office and bring it back with me to the hostel so i can do my work and stuffs like my usual …

lunch today …

chicken soup (again, and it’s very oily … yucks!) and sauted pak choi … bought from another cafeteria next to that one i bought from yesterday (no other option today, sadly) …. no rice obviously … decided to skip rice … suddenly i lost appetite today … perhaps yesterday rain washed out everything out of me … i lost appetite, i lost courage, i lost spirit … i almost lost everything … worse than yesterday although today the weather is quite improved …

today i feel faking myself … decided to stay longer at office though … catched up with and made a few conversations with friends … paid debt to some too … stumbled upon someone other on my way back to hostel … it’s quite a surprise coz i didn’t expect to see that someone today …

i think i am a bit erratic today … i rambled my speech … unfocused and blurred … it’s felt like half of me went crazy already while the other half just watch myself consciously but helplessly … talk about dual personalities …

probably this really is a sign of some kind of disorders … psychosis maybe … somebody help me …